When mediating a divorce, both parties are making the best decisions they can based on the circumstances they’re in at that moment. But circumstances change. As life evolves post-divorce, it’s common for the parties to return to mediation to reevaluate or renegotiate aspects of their original agreement, update their agreements, and re-file with the court to ensure that the changes are upheld. Sometimes, the changes on the table are outside of what the courts will mandate, but separation mediation serves to help break through a stalemate and get to common ground.
For families in Denver, Colorado, post-decree mediation offers a local, cost-effective way to resolve changes without returning to court.
Below are 5 issues we see bringing people back to the table post-decree:
Maintenance
In the State of Colorado, “Maintenance” is the term used to describe spousal support or alimony. The level of support is calculated during mediation, based on a guidelines formula provided by the Court, and further discussed and agreed upon by the parties. During this time, the parties determine whether maintenance will be contractual (the amount will never change, regardless of circumstances) or modifiable (the amount can change based on changing circumstances).
Couples in the Denver metro area often choose a modifiable plan to give themselves the flexibility to adjust to foreseeable shifts in income, like an upward career trajectory, the primary caregiver of the children returning to work, remarriage of the party receiving maintenance, or disability. Returning to the table allows them to reevaluate their situation, revisit the legal formulas, have a guided discussion with a mediator who is familiar with their case, and ultimately make their new agreement official with the court.
Child Support & Parenting Time
Child support and parenting time go hand in hand in the State of Colorado, with the time spent by each parent impacting the child support formula. There are countless reasons why a shift in parenting time might be up for discussion, including the stability of the child. Sometimes, the initial time-share structure is perfect on paper, but after putting it to the test, the kids make it clear they need a better schedule.
Major life changes, like one parent getting a promotion that requires frequent travel, or enrolling in a degree program, will impact the schedule significantly, and ‘winging it’ will most certainly lead to frustration, disorganization, and resentment.
Concern for child safety can bring parenting time back to the table, particularly when there’s a history of substance abuse, or if new romantic partners or roommates appear in the picture.
Parents in Denver and surrounding areas are encouraged to establish a shared definition of “parenting time” to include how much of that can be with grandparents, alternate caregivers, babysitters, childcare programs, etc. Establishing a shared definition can help both parties fairly evaluate their capacity to provide a safe, loving and supporting environment for their children.
School Changes
We commonly see people return to the mediation table to revisit the educational plans they’ve made for their children. This can include one parent wanting to move and change school districts, moving kids from private to public school, or vice versa.
In Denver County and neighboring school districts, these decisions can significantly impact a child’s routine and academic performance. Sometimes the change is directed by new opportunities, for example, if a child is accepted into a gifted program or a fine arts program. Other times it’s simply because the parent who moved away doesn’t want to drive so far. Pulling kids out of a good school where they are thriving and have friends is a decision that is not usually in the best interest of the children, but sometimes is necessary. Working through the pros and cons during mediation often clarifies the situation.
Medical Issues & Decisions
Mediation provides a safe, neutral format to have some of life’s most emotionally charged conversations, including making medical decisions for our children. We’ve seen every kind of medical decision up for debate, including vaccines, therapy, medications for mental health and neurological issues, birth control, gender affirming care, and major medical decisions resulting from serious illness.
During the initial mediation process, we encourage the divorcing couple to discuss how medical issues and decisions will be handled, including where the parent on duty can make the call, versus where the consensus of both parents is required. Being clear on when to pull the lever and return to mediation saves everyone in Denver a great deal of time and mental anguish.
Religious Changes
It’s not uncommon for people moving on from the trauma of divorce to gravitate towards a new religious or spiritual tradition, return to the one they were raised in, or be welcomed into the faith tradition of a new partner or spouse. But when it comes to making changes that impact the faith tradition and spiritual community of the children, that decision should be made by both parents.
Change of religion is a common cause of post-decree mediation, and one that should be taken seriously. Religion can impact a child’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health, their social group and activities, and even shape their perspective on cultural and political issues. Making sure that both parents (and the children) are aligned with their religious upbringing is an important part of successful co-parenting. It’s worth coming back to the table to keep everyone on the same spiritual page—especially in a diverse and dynamic community like Denver, Colorado.
Why Returning to Mediation Matters
At A Center for Divorce Solutions, while we’d love to be able to predict the future during the initial divorce mediation, it’s important to remember that the process is here to support you post-decree as life shifts and evolves. Knowing when to bring the discussion back to the table is more than just noting the legally binding areas of the decree. Co-parenting, especially, is rife with potential disagreements and difficult decisions that benefit from mediation.
For families navigating post-divorce life in Denver, CO, returning to mediation ensures evolving needs are met with cooperation, clarity, and care.